First break today. BOTH my kids are asleep at the same time, which is most definitely a beautiful miracle. I NEEDED a break. im really not feeling good today. Tummy ache, headache. BLEH. AND i have to work late today, which sucks. but Lani's mom told me i have to on wednesday. God, i cant believe ive only been back at work for 3 days. i cant even explain how terrible these days were. it seems like ive been here about 2 weeks straight. I am so grateful for this weekend. I dont know what it is, i just dont feel good whatsoever. And Mila has been more fussy and whatnot recently, which is not the business. Ive just been really stressed on everything at work, and i can like feel the tension in my stomach when i do get stressed out and that isnt good for the baby.

Last night i had a really weird dream. i honestly cant even tell you about all the DIFFERENT dreams i have every night since ive been pregnant, i have so many i barely remember them. But yesterday was just a rough day for me. things just werent going well, and i wasnt feeling well. Ryans grandma was hauled off in an ambulance at 530 am. which is MUCH earlier than i would like to be woken, especially when i dont sleep very well anymore. i toss and turn all night. i have weird dreams. i cant even explain how terribly i sleep. and then when i wake up. my entire body hurts. just ACHES. not stop now. frustrating. But back to his grandma. She was taken to the hospital because her breathing was too shallow and too frequent. On top of already having pneumonia and serious pain from breaking her hip a few years back. And apparently once an older person breaks their hip, its pretty much all down hill from there. She said all she wants to do is go to heaven and be with her husband. Although i am not close to her, that made me really sad and made me start to tear up. Mainly because i hope when i die there is a heaven and i get to be there with the loved ones that went there before me. I cant imagine a better afterlife :)

But last night, in my dream, I was crying because Ryan was with another girl or something [which is fairly common, i have dreams he is with other girls every so often] Which sucks, but its just my wild imagination hahah. and last night, whoever he was with, it made me really cry in my dream, and i guess i was crying/hyperventilating too hard and it woke me up.... so then i started crying in real life. hahah. i guess i needed that little breakdown in the middle of the night after how awful yesterday was.

Im just glad today isnt going as slowly or as terrible as yesterday. But im still not completely feeling well. i dont know why.... well, i guess i DO know why [baby] but i dont like it. not one bit.


And i miss my best friend kel. Last night she wanted to come visit me cuz i was feeling terrible but we had to go to the hospital to see ryans grandma. which im glad and not glad that we did at the same time. haha

Last night his grandma was just completely losing it.
She thoguht Myles was on her hospital bed. she thought she was at home and not at the hospital. She was like miming knitting. she really thought she was knitting right then. its was really strange to see. she was just imagining all these crazy things. it was really sad.
and she was shaking. looked like she was in pain, wanted to get out of bed and walk around, but she obviously couldnt. Tried to pull all the needles and what not out of her. I think it was hard for ryan to see her in that state. hes neer really been around someone that was really sick or in the hospital.

anyways... i dont think im going to type much more. my head is really killing me.

-until next time